Dunno, Just Happens
by Breathe From Your Hoo Hoo
Summary: The whole gang get together to find out why certain fanfic writers like to screw around with Benny. Completely RANDOM!
1. Out Of The Closet

Ya know, reading all the funny fics on this websitehas really inspired me to write something of my own so...yeah. Enjoy!

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"Mmmm, baby you're so beautiful," mumbled Roger as he lay in bed, too lazy to get up at 12.00 in the afternoon.

"Awwww honey, so are you," mumbled Mimi as she hugged her boyfriend close to her skinny body.

"I can't wait to see how our beautiful our baby is gonna be," said Roger.

Mimi smiled and rubbed her belly, which was now suddenly 7 months pregnant with their baby (I know, how did she do that? –LOL-). "Oh I know it'll be beautiful _just_ like you, Roggy."

"Haa! I bet it'll be all depressed and angsty just like Roger here," said Benny, who randomly appeared out of the bedroom closet.

Roger blinked. "Benny? Howthe fuckdid you get here?"

Benny shrugged. "I dunno. Just happens, I guess. Apparently this fanfic author seems to love making me randomly appear out of nowhere."

Mimi relented. "That's ok, Benny. Please feel free to randomly disappear whenever you like."

"Ok, thanks."

And so Benny sat in the corner of the bedroom twiddling his thumbs while Roger and Mimi went back to having sex in the bed because Mimi's stomach suddenly became skinny again. (Wow, I am so jealous of her –giggle-)

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Hey guys, it's me. Nope I haven't abandoned _Yeshula's_ story. I'm just working on something else that completely random and crazy. So hope ya'll like it.

Oh, and here's an added incentive. Whoever reviews this chapter will be added as characters in the rest of this story…… -winks-


	2. Through The Window

"Maureen, where the _fuck_ have you been all night?" bellowed a very furious Joanne as her angry eyes shifted from the kitchen clock, which read 12.05 pm, to Maureen, who had just walked into the door with her hair all mussed up, makeup all smudged and her clothes all dishevelled.

"Aww Pookie, please! I'm sorry! I just spent the night at my friend Lucky Spencer after we had a couple of drinks at the Life Café!" begged Maureen, who suddenly looked really sexy and sweet and pouty even though she had more makeup on her face than Krusty the Clown.

But, Joanne wasn't ready to buy into that. "Oh right, and I'm sure you _just_ slept with her while you were there, didn't you? _Didn't you?_" Her voice got higher and higher with anger as she stood there with her arms crossed firmly over her chest.

Maureen slumped to the floor and sobbed quietly, her Krusty-the-Clown makeup still looking absolutely perfect despite the tears running down her face. "I'm so sorry Pookie, but I can't help it. Almost every single fanfic writer that I know loves to put me in all kinds of affairs. I don't know why. Apparently everyone thinks I'm some kind of self-absorbed, vain, selfish, slutty Drama Queen who keeps on having affairs behind her snobbish, control-freak lawyer girlfriend!" she wailed.

Joanne glared at Maureen even more (if that's even possible) and crossed her hands harder over her chest, crushing her boobs in the process. "_What?_ How dare they say that? They have _no_ fucking business calling me a snobbish control-freak!"

"Well it _is_ true, after all," quipped Benny, who randomly climbed in through the window because I thought that if he were to randomly appear again, he could at _least_ have an interesting way to do so.

Joanne glared even more at Benny, her glare angry enough to grill an entire cow. "Benny? How the fuck did you get here? And what do you mean, it's true?"

Benny trembled in fear as he stood in the corner of the room. "I'm _here_ because this stupid author seems to get a strange kick out of making me randomly pop up in places where I have absolutely no reason to be. And it _is_ true that you're a control freak! Don't you remember that fanfic where you got so pissed off at me for stealing your Doc Martens that you chased me around the whole of New York fucking City screaming profanities at me like a crazed mental patient and then you eventually ripped my balls right off in the middle of the street while that little Jewish geek with the nerdy scarf filmed everything?"

Joanne took a few menacing steps towards him, her fists clenched tightly into balls. "Those Doc Martens weren't just shoes, you asshole! They were my babies! If it were legal, Maureen and I would have adopted them as children by now!" she bellowed again. Then she took a deep breath to calm herself down. And then she said:

"Benny, I'd like you to leave **right** now. Looking at you is only gonna make me angrier."

Benny groaned like an annoyed teenager on Laundry Night. "I can't do that! Because you see, this crazy-ass author also gets some kind of sick pleasure watching me deal with situations that would otherwise scare the living crap outta me. You really think I **want** to come near you after that horrific episode?" he said, shuddering dramatically.

Joanne turned to look at Maureen, who also wore the same death glare on her face and had her fists clenched at her side, even though Joanne was the one who was actually completely pissed off, and then looked back at Benny. "Well then Benjamin. Since I have a whole lotta anger here to get rid off and _you're_ just randomly here, why don't we make the best of it?" she said, grinning evilly at Maureen, who grinned evilly back at Joanne, who grinned evilly at Benny, who grinned evilly at-

No no wait. Benny can't possible grin evilly at anyone if he's about to get beaten up by two angry lesbians now, can he? _–snickers-_

And so the two angry lesbians punched Benny black and blue (who was suddenly randomly tied up to the lamp post because I thought it could like something out of a soft porn movie) until they were no longer angry……

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Hahahahahahaah! Poor Benny. Oh, and by the way, the two stories that I've dropped in there are "Untitled" by governments worst nightmare and "Rainy days and very weird noises" by Bearfeetz. Go check them out, they're really funny. –giggles- 


	3. Through The Metal Door

Collins sat on the couch reading a philosophy journal, just minding his own business, when a bright flash of colours whizzed past him. He looked up over his journal and saw his beloved girlfriend (even though Angel is technically a guy, everyone seems to love calling him 'she', so yeah, whatever) standing in front of him wearing green stockings, a white floral dress, red jacket, short black wig, purple high-heels and lots of makeup, with her hands on her hips and a smile on her face.

"Hey baby," said Collins, smiling back at her. He gestured Angel to snuggle up next to him on the couch, which she happily did. Then his expression got confused.

"Say Angel," he asked, his brow furrowing. "How come you keep wearing the same outfit every time I see you?"

Angel shrugged. "Because I have a hundred copies of this outfit which I can wear every day, just like Fred Flintstone."

Collins nodded. Then he asked, "How come your makeup is always so perfect every time I see you?"

Angel grinned. "Because out of all the guys who auditioned for my part at the New York Theatre Workshop, I was the only one who looked absolutely perfect in makeup, wigs and girl's clothes and could sing and dance a little bit too" she said, swishing her hair (even though it wasn't really her hair) over her shoulder dramatically.

Collins grinned back and turned the page of his journal, even though he'd already read it like, a hundred thousand times and even set questions from it for his class, who never even bothered to show up for his classes because they much preferred watching TV rather than reading about some stuffy old philosophers. He put his arms around his girlfriend (who was technically his boyfriend) and kissed her cheek and said:

"But you do it _so_ well. And you look really gorgeous too." Angel giggled and blushed as she heard this.

"No you don't! You look like a total fag!" said Benny, who had apparently walked into the apartment through the metal door, all bruised and bleeding with scars all over his body and a black eye (even though it couldn't really be seen with _his_ skin colour LOL).

Collins glared at Benny. "Benny? What the fuck are _you_ doing here? How dare you say that about my Angel? And where the hell did you get all these bruises from?"

Benny sighed and flopped down on the single armchair, which was actually next to Collins' couch but had somehow magically scooted over to Benny so it could support his ass (Please don't ask. I've been looking in every single furniture shop for an armchair that does that), and told Collins and Angel of his painful story. "I really don't know what I'm doing here, Tom. The last thing I remember was that I was suddenly tied to a lamppost and beaten black and blue by Maureen and Joanne in their apartment, and then the next thing I know, I find myself walking through a thick slab of solid metal just to watch you guys play smoochy face with one another."

Angel and Collins nodded thoughtfully. "Oh so _that_ explains the bruises," said Angel.

"Yeah" said Benny, rubbing his eyes even though one of them was black and bruised. "And I don't know why I keep randomly saying these mean things to everyone, either. I guess this stupid author thinks it makes a good opening line every time I randomly appear by some obscure manner into a situation that doesn't really require my presence." He frowned and pointed his finger upwards as he said this. (Although I don't really understand why he'd point to the sky because that's not where I am. I'm just sitting behind my laptop computer, typing out this story and having a good laugh at poor ol' Benny. –grins evilly-)

"Oh honey," said Angel as she got up and sat on the armchair next to him, even though it was only big enough for one person, and wrapped an arm around him. "Maybe we can have a talk with this author and see if they can do something to change that for you."

"Thank you," said Benny, who managed to crack a smile and Angel and Collins, who suddenly left the room to go correct some assignments, even though the semester like, finished weeks ago and all the students were on holiday. (I know, isn't that weird?)

"Well, I guess I better be going," said Benny, after hugging Angel back. He then got up and exited the apartment by leaving through the window, screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" as he plummeted down the side of the building, which was really strange and unnecessary of him to do consideringthe buildingwas only three floors high.

Collins looked up at Angel, his assignment papers suddenly gone, and giggled. "I take it that was a stint from another fanfic?"

Angel giggled back. "Probably is, yes," she said, and so the two of them got back to their previous act of making out and groping heavily on the couch (even though that's not even what they were initially doing when this chapter started) with absolutely no idea where Benny was gonna pop up next. –grins evilly-

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Hehehehehehehehehee! I am having **too** much fun with this. Don't worry people. There will be MR parody/slash coming up in just a few chapters. Don't go away! –cackles evilly-

This chapter was brought to you by the fanfic "Probably Out the Window" by Mistoffelees. Go read it, it's really side-splitting. –LOL-


	4. Through The Ceiling!

On a cold, wintery June day, Mark and his beloved camera were snuggled on the couch in the loft and enjoying some quality time together.

"Oh Camera, you make _so_ happy," he mumbled as he hugged his camera close. "God bless the day that I bought you."

"Hey, you make me happy too, baby," said Camera and she blushed and hugged him back. (Because miraculously, this camera seems to have arms. Don't ask me how.)

Mark smiled at the little ancient appliance. "I love you Camera," he confessed.

Camera smiled back at him and said, "I love you too, Marky-doll" as the two shared a long, loving kiss. (Which fogged up Camera's lens LOL)

"**EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!** Get a goddamn room, you perverts!" said Benny, who this time came crashing through the ceiling with a harness and rope tied to his bruised, battered, bleeding and now completely paralysed body like James Bond. He landed on the floor in a heap, exclaiming "OWW! That kills!" as he rubbed his back.

Mark and Camera curiously looked at Benny, then looked curiously at each other, then looked curiously at the Muff – uhh, _Alison_, who randomly popped out of the floor, then looked curiously again at Benny who looked curiously back at them, then looked curiously back at each other, until the next half an hour was just spent with all three of them looking curiously at each other.

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After the aforementioned two hours spent of just looking curiously at one another, Benny finally shook his head and said, "Please don't ask. I've had a totally rough day, so let's just leave it at that, ok?" 

Mark and Camera slowly nodded. "Sure, Benny."

Suddenly, Roger came storming out of his bedroom where he'd locked himself so he could play _Musetta's Waltz_ 567 times, crossed his arms over his chest and pouted, saying, "Marky! You spend too much time with that stupid camera! Why don't you ever find time for me?"

Mark sighed and faced his secret gay lover. "Rog, baby, I love you so much but I love Camera too. Why can't you guys just get along?" He paused to think for a minute. "Or maybe, we could indulge in a sexy threesome. Does that sound good?" he asked, smiling seductively.

But Roger didn't like this idea too much. "_Nombres de Dios_, Mark! _¿Cómo atrevimiento piensas tales cosas sucias?"_ he rambled in Spanish, even though he was as American ashot dogswhile Mimi was the only Hispanic one. (In case that wasn't too obvious with a name like Marquez LOL)

Mark finally relented and held his arms out to his suddenly Spanish rockstar. "Awww, come here Honeybun. Let Mommy make it _all_ better for you." Roger's face finally relaxed into a sexy smile and sothe two of them had hot, wild, monkey sex in the stinky, grime-covered, maggot-infested bathtub.

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Camera and Benny looked at each other again, and Camera said, "Well, I guess that leaves just you and me, Benny."

"Yeah," said Benny, who was somehow magically healed by the magical Rent fairy named Laurel Ducky randomly flew in with her guitar-shaped wand, and was suddenly sitting properly on the couch. "Want a cigarette?" he asked.

"Sure," said Camera, nodding. The two of them then shared a smoke and chatted randomly about being the ones always left out in the story.

_We really need to get together tomorrow to figure out exactly what the hell's going on with Benny's random appearances. This is getting as bit too much_, thought Camera to herself as she smoked her cigarette, stared at the bathroom door and fantasised about really long film reels while hearing her boyfriend's _and_ his boyfriend's lustful moans.

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AAAAAaaaand that this chapter. Stay tuned for some major randomness coming _sooooooonnn_! And I'm _vveerryy_ _excited! –says it like Anthony in the Rent blog-_ LOL! 

Oh, and what Roger actually said was, "How dare you think such dirty things?" So, yeah. LOL


	5. At The Loft

Later that night, the whole gang got together in the loft to discuss the strange happenings with Benny. There was Mark with Camera on his lap, Maureen with her Krusty-the-Clown makeup and extra-tight leather pants, Joanne with her sleek black suit (because that's all she ever seems to wear), Collins, Angel in his full drag and Roger with one arm around Mark and the other around Mimi, who strangely enough wasn't pregnant today. There was no Benny tonight, though. Guess he was having a random-free day.

"It was the strangest thing!" Joanne was saying. "It was bad enough Maureen and I were having one of our routine fights, and on top of that, Benny had to suddenly show up and make me angrier!"

Angel agreed. "Yeah! I still can't understand why he said such rude things about my dressing!"

"Well I still can't understand why he had to interrupt Camera's and my smoochy bliss!" added Mark.

"I don't understand why he interrupted Mimi's and my private morning!" said Roger as he kissed Mimi's cheek and fondled Mark's thigh at the same time.

"And I still can't understand why my bloody rum is gone!" said Captain Jack Sparrow in his uppity British accent as he sat in the circle with them, with an empty bottle in his hand, his old, rusty sword by his side and dressed in his full pirate garb (including his braided beard and extra-heavy eyeliner).

The whole gang looked strangely at him. "Umm Captain Jack?" said Mark hesitantly. "This is the world of Rent. We only drink Stoli here."

Captain Jack crinkled forehead. "Stoli? What in the world is _that_?"

"It's vodka. Collins always has some with him," said Roger, pointing to Collins with a perfectly painted blue fingernail.

Collins reached into his coat and pulled out a large bottle of Stoli. "YAYY! Thanks for the Stoli, Collins!" yelled Mimi as she grabbed a bottle and started chugging.

"Sure, no problem. Very strange though, since I don't even remember going to the liquor store or anywhere out today," said Collins as he shook his head.

Angel was confused. "Then how come you have Stoli today, baby?"

Collins shrugged. "Dunno. Just happens, I suppose. Every single fanfic writer thinks I walk around everywhere with numerous bottles of Stoli hangin' off my arms or something." He reached into his jacket and magically pulled out three more bottles of Stoli.

Maureen squealed and clapped her hands. "YYYAAAAHHHOOOO! MORE STOLI! You got any more, Collins?"

"Hmm, Maybe I do."

And so Collins randomly pulled out at least twenty bottles of Stoli from his jacket, to the delight of all his friends. He gave a couple of them to Captain jack, saying, "Here, try some. I think you'll like them."

Captain Jack hesitantly picked up a bottle, opened it, and took a sip. Is expression suddenly changed when he said, "Hey! This grog's not bad at all!" as he drank some more down.

"Great! That's settled then!" said Collins with a smile. Then he turned to the group. "Ok guys, now back to the matter on hand. What are we going to do about Benny?"

Maureen shot her hand right up. "Oh, I know this really great professional assassin named Mondler. I can hire her to take out Benny for us if you like."

"_Honeybear!_ How dare you resort to violence and murder!" yelled Joanne, even though she punched and bruised Benny black and blue not only once, but twice on occasion.

"And how _dare_ you suggest someone as sexy as Mondler for such a gruesome job?" yelled Angel.

"And how _dare_ you never return my calls, Mark!" yelled Mrs. Cohen over the speakerphone, even though the phone never actually rang and Mrs. Cohen didn't even know what was going on in the loft, yet she managed to just pipe in. Funny that.

And so they just yelled and yelled at each other for quite some time.

_Meanwhile, in London, England……_

"Oh goodness gracious me! I'm getting so _old_!" wailed Camilla Parker-Bowles as she gazed at herself in the solid-gold, 300-year-old mirror above her antique dressing table.

"Oh sweet merciful heavens, so am I!" added Prince Charles, even though he was like, 57 years old and has probably never heard of moisturiser or aftershave lotion or anything like that.

"Ohhh, I can't believe I look like this!" cried Camilla again as she sipped her $5000-a-bottle, designer French Cabernet Sauvignon and examined her reflection again tearfully. "_Me!_ Princess Camilla!"

"No offence Miss Camilla, but you're no princess! You're the Duchess of Cornwall!" said Benny, who randomly walked out through the blue, 100 pure-silk curtains which took up half the royal chamber, dressed in a black shirt and red-and-green tartan kilt. (I'm trying my hardest not to picture it LOL)

Camilla and Prince Charles gaped at him. "Who the bloody hell are _you?_" demanded Prince Charles. "What are you doing here? And why the devil are you wearing a kilt?"

Benny sighed and tried to press his legs together. "I'm Benny and I'm from RENT in New York. I have this job of randomly popping up in places where I don't need to be. I got this kilt because for some screwy reason, the author of this fanfic decided to make me a pit-stop in Scotland along the way," he answered, his cheeks blushing red with embarrassment. (although I don't know how to tell with his skin colour)

"Well I will _not_ have you here. GUARDS!" yelled Prince Charles and 200 royal guards came rushing into the chamber to beat Belly black and blue.

"Oh shit, not again," whimpered Benny as the guards had their way with him.

_Meanwhile, back in the East Village…._

"I mean, ddduuuuuuuddeeee! He's not even a flashy dresser," said Joanne drunkenly, still talking about Benny.

"Yeah! He's such a pruuuuuuuuddee!" added Roger drunkenly as he chugged down more vodka.

"And also he's such a party ppoooooooper!" said Scarfy, who drunkenly slipped off Mark's neck and was lying on Captain Jack's crotch, who didn't even notice because he passed out from all the Stoli.

The rest of the bohemians couldn't really add to the conversation because they passed out drink on the loft floor, even Camera, whose parts all came undone on the floor, while Roger hand one hand in Mimi's bra and the other down Mark's pants, while none of them had any idea whatsoever about where Benny was that very moment. Boy, were they in for a surprise…..

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HAHAHA! And that's that! The story featured here was "Affairs"by hippyintellect and silverydarkness. Go and **read it! Now!**


	6. The Next Morning

The next morning, the seven Bohemians were so hung over they could barely remember themselves. Eight, if you count Captain Jack Sparrow. Nine if you count the Camera as a person, even though it's a rickety old piece of ju-

"HEYYY! Watch your mouth, ya big dope-ass!" yelled Camera to me, whose parts were still undone.

"Yeah!" yelled Mark, who was having a hard time trying to put Camera back together.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. _–blushes-_ Okay so, um, Camera _is_ a person.

"Good Morning!" yelled the sock puppet, whose name happens to be Glinda, who was in the kitchen making green pancakes and pink coffee for the whole gang.

Mark simply could not believe his eyes. "Oh my God! My beloved Glinda! My sweet, sweet beloved sock puppet! How I missed you! Come here, little darling!" he squealed as he held his arms out wide. Glinda the sock puppet threw away her apron and the two of them ran into each other's arms in slow motion, like how they do in the movies, and hugged and kissed each other as they rolled on the floor. Everyone else watched in sheer wonderment as they ate their green pancakes and pink coffee. But Camera and Roger were angry, shocked and upset at the sight.

Camera burst into tears. "MARKY! How could you do this to me?" she wailed, looking somewhat like a miniature robotic vacuum cleaner after Mark tried to fix her together.

Roger burst into tears too. "MARK¿_Cómo podrías herir mi corazón como esto?" _he wailed as his makeup ran down his face in rivulets.

Captain Jack burst into tears too. "MARK! How the bloody hell could you steal my boat?" he wailed as he chugged more Stoli (even though it was only 10.00 in the morning).

Mark broke away from his socky bliss for a moment and said, "Umm, Captain Jack? I didn't steal your boat. You parked it in my bedroom remember?"

Captain Jack's face suddenly lit up. "Ohh, that's right! Thanks Markus!" he said as he skipped off to Mark's bedroom, sword and five bottles of Stoli in hand.

Meanwhile, Camera and Roger were crying and bawling their eyes out (except Camera was bawling her _lens_ out 'coz that's what she had) over Mark's affair with that dreaded sock puppet. Finally, Camera spoke up.

"Well Roger, if Mark can screw that ugly Glinda, I can screw you!"

"Yeah! Let's do it!" agreed Roger and so the two of them got down to business on top of the kitchen counter.

"WWOOHHOOOOO! Let's join in, Pookie!" said Maureen excitedly.

"Oh alright," Joanne caved in and got it on with Maureen inside the fridge.

Collins and Angel looked at each other, shrugged, and did _their_ thing on the couch. Mimi shrugged, and then just got it on with Captain Jack in his boat, which was in Mark's bedroom, and so all our favourite Bohemians had a good morning shag.

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Meanwhile, in London, a very angry and bruised Benny, in a ripped back shirt and torn kilt which had nothing underneath it, began to walk all the way back to New York.

"I'm gonna make them pay," he growled to himself. "I'm _sooooo_ gonna make them……."

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AAAAaaaaand that's that! Oh, the sock puppet belongs to hippy.intellect and silverydarkness. You guys are legends! LOL


	7. On Guard!

And so it was just another normal day at the loft. Roger and Mark were fornicating on the kitchen top, Mimi and Angel were doing the same right next to them, Maureen, Joanne and the Camera were doing their business on the couch and Collins and Captain Jack were drinking Stoli and getting busy on the loft floor while Glinda the sock puppet filmed everything with her own camera made of pink sugar. Yup, just another _normal_ old day.

Suddenly, the loft door flew open with a bang (even though it can only slide) and in stormed Benny, in his soiled, bloody, ripped clothes and kilt, and his face boiling with anger.

"YOU!" screamed Benny suddenly. All the Bohemians – yes, including _Camera_ – turned their heads and stared at Benny, their mouths dropping to the floor. Except for Camera, whose lens fell off her face. (If you can call it that lol)

"B-B-B-Benny?" stammered Roger, who had Mark's glasses hanging off his ears. "Wh-wh-where…..have you b-b-been?"

"I'VE BEEN TO LONDON TO VISIT PRINCESS FUCKING CAMILLA!" yelled Benny, even though he already knew that Camilla was actually the Duchess of Cornwall. Stupid Benny lol.

Mimi shook her head. "No no no Benny, you got it wrong. You're supposed to say 'I've been to London to visit the Queen'" she said, remembering the old nursery rhyme.

"**SHUT UP!"** yelled Benny again. Suddenly, an egg randomly fell out of the loft ceiling and landed with a _Splat!_ on top of Benny's head. The whole gang watched with amazement as the egg fried into a perfect omelette in seconds.

Angel giggled. "Wow, Benny-boy must be really mad, huh?" she stage-whispered.

Captain Jack nodded. "Yeah, I can see that, poppet. Who is this Benny bloke, anyway?" he asked.

Benny glared at Captain Jack. "I'LL TELL YOU WHO I AM, YOU LECHEROUS, DRUNKEN IDIOT!" he yelled again.

Collins blinked. "Whoa, Benny, why are you yelling so much, dude?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHY! THIS STUPID-ASS AUTHOR WON'T TAKE THE CAPS LOCK OFF MY SPEECH!" he cried. Ok Benny, fine, I'll do it. Makes it easier for the Rentheads to read anyway. _–giggles-_

"I'm here to! – oh phew, that's better," said Benny, referring to his speech. "I'm here to pay you back for screwing around randomly with me!" he growled. He stepped away from the door and in stormed Captain Barbossa, in all his skeletal glory, with his little monkey Jack on his shoulder.

Everyone just stared at him, their mouths falling to the floor again. Including Camera, whose lens fell off her face again. Oh shit, this was gonna get ugly.

But Captain Jack regarded his enemy with a sly grin. "Oh so, Captain Barbossa. We meet again," he said.

"Yaarr, I believe so, matey," replied Captain Barbossa, his jawbone creaking with every word. "I have been a-waitin' fer this moment fer a long time, ya know."

"So have I," replied Captain Jack slyly. "ON GUARD!" he yelled, and so the two of them indulged in a long, swashbuckling fight in the middle of the loft. Everyone started panicking trying to figure out what to do, while Benny watched everything with a satisfied expression. Finally, Mark came up with a solution.

"Hey, I think we should kidnap Jack and run," he stage-whispered.

"How can we? He's got a sword, you idiot!" Roger stage-whispered back, annoyed at Mark's pea-brain.

Mark pulled his glasses off Roger's ear and put them on his face. "No no no, stupid! I meant the monkey."

Roger's face suddenly lit up. "Ahhhhh, I see. Good idea, Cohen," he said grinning slyly at Mark.

Who grinned slyly at Collins, who grinned slyly at Mimi, who grinned slyly at Angel, who grinned slyly at Maureen, who grinned slyly at Joanne, who grinned slyly at Camera, who flashed her lens slyly at Collins, who grinned slyly at Joanne, who grinned slyly at Roger, who grinned slyly at Mimi, who grinned slyly at……

DAMMIT! I gotta stop doing that! It's so getting ridiculous….. _–shakes head-_

But it's so damn funny too. lol

Anyway, after they all finished grinning slyly at one another, Mark sneakily slid himself over to the window sill like James Bond (a.k.a Pierce Brosnan from Die Another Day), humming the 007 theme under his breath as he carefully avoided Captain jack and Captain Barbossa's swashbuckling swordfight, grabbed jack the monkey and bolted out the door, with everyone following him. (Camera had to be slung around Maureen's neck because she didn't have legs to run. But she had arms though. Weird.)

The (I can never seem to remember how many they are because they keep changing) Bohemians charged all around the East Village, not even knowing where they were going because they just wanted to get away from the two crazy-assed pirates fighting in their loft. They ran and ran until they got closer and closer to the Ritz Carlton, which looked like there was some kind of gala going on.

"Wow, look at all those glamorous people. Must be some sort of film premiere," mumbled Mimi, awestruck.

"Yeah," Mark nodded. Then suddenly he yelled, "Oh my God! Look who's there!"

"Who?" asked Roger.

Mark struggled to speak. "It's...it's….it's Anthony Rapp! And Adam Pascal!"

"You mean, from that RENT play thing?" asked Angel.

"Yes!" yelled Mark. He ran up to the side of the red carpet, monkey Jack still in hand, pushed past all the reporters, and stared at his idol.

"Oh my God, Anthony……uhh I mean, Mr. Rapp, it's such a pleasure to make your acquaintance," said Mark and formally as he could as he shook Anthony's hand to death.

"Umm, thanks, you too," said Anthony, who wore a blue ITALIA jacket and dark blue jeans. He crinkled his forehead. "Umm dude, don't you think you're like, a little obsessed?"

"Oh no, Mr. Rapp," said Mark breathlessly. "I'm just an insanely huge fan of yours. Oh what the heck – I am like, totally in love with you, Mr. Rapp. Will you marry me?"

Anthony's jaw dropped to the floor. "WHAT? I'm sorry, but I can do no such thing. I am perfectly happy with my partner Rodney and have no intention of running away with you," he huffed, gesturing to some Asian-looking guy who fixed Anthony's jaw back into his mouth.

Mark looked disappointed, but put on a brave face. "Ok, well then, can you at least sign my monkey?"

Anthony looked down at the stinky, smelly animal, cringed, and gave in. "Okay, fine," he said, signing the monkey on the top of his head. Meanwhile, Roger was busy chatting up Adam Pascal.

"Oh my God, Mark is like, the totally hottest guy on the block," he rambled. "You should get yourself a hot guy, too. Want my help?"

Adam glared at this wannabe rock-star loser. "No thank you, I have a wife and two sons and I am perfectly happy," he said curtly.

"Oh well," Roger shrugged. "Let me know if you change your mind."

"Yeah, whatever," said Adam, who mumbled 'Wierdo' under his breath and ushered Anthony inside the building, saying "C'mon, let's go. These guys are freaks." The whole gang sighed.

"Oh. That went well," said Collins.

Suddenly, they were startled by Captain Jack and Captain Barbossa running behind them. "YA STOLE ME MONKEY!" he bellowed.

The whole gang froze. Ohhhh boy…..

* * *

Oh dear me… -giggles- 


	8. Craziness

Hey guys, sorry I've been slow with updating. Just got a new job so been busy…..

* * *

"YER STOLE ME MONKEY!" yelled Captain Barbossa angrily.

"Um Captain Barbossa? You already said that," informed Captain Jack Sparrow.

Captain Barbossa blushed (even though his face was only made of bones). "Aye, so I did. I do beg yer pardon," he mumbled.

"YOU'RE SUCH A PRUDE, ANTHONY!" Mark yelled at his idol Anthony Rapp, who suddenly started making out with Daphne Rubin-Vega in the women's bathroom for no reason at all.

"YOU NEVER RETURN MY CALLS, MARK!" yelled Mrs. Cohen over the answering machine which somehow also detached itself from the wall and followed them around the East Village, even though she _still_ had no clue what the hell was going on with her son and his crazy friends.

"AND I'M GOING INTO **LABOUR!**" yelled Mimi, who suddenly became 10 months pregnant because I thought that would make a real dramatic moment there. _–giggles-_

"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Angel. "We better get her to a hospital now!"

"I'll get my boat," said Captain Jack. He whistled loudly and suddenly there came the Cursed Black Pearl, chugging up the street towards them.

Captain Barbossa was furious. "Damn ye to hell, Jack! I've been a-lookin' everywhere fer that boat! It's miiine!" he yelled.

"Not now, Barbossa," said Captain Jack as he helped Mimi board the ship. "We'll discuss this later over a nice, juicy steak and a jug of ale, savvy?"

Captain Barbossa reluctantly agreed and soon, the whole gang was on board the ship and it sailed all the way to the free clinic.

* * *

Later at the clinic, Mimi's legs were spread wide enough for the boat to fit into, Roger was holding her hand and the rest of the gang were sitting around the room, completely oblivious to Mimi's gut-wrenching screams.

"OHH MY GOD! HURRY UP ALREADY! I'M DYING HERE!" screamed Mimi.

"Calm down Meems. It's only the epidural," said Roger, sighing.

Mimi glared at him and screamed once again, loud enough to create a mini-earthquake. Again, the whole gang was oblivious. Meanwhile, Glinda came rushing in.

"Oh Mimi, you're finally having your baby! Oh I'm so happy for you!" said Glinda as she clutched Mimi's hand.

Mimi strangled Glinda by the throat. "I am _not_ in a good mood right now so can you just fuck off for the next two hours?" she growled as she shook Glinda back and forth.

Glinda mumbled a "Yesh Mimi," and was thrown violently on the floor. Mark picked her up and kissed her gently, and glared at Mimi, who glared at Roger, who glared at Joanne, who glared at Collins, who glared at Maureen, who glared at the Squeegee Man as he randomly appeared out of the ceiling, who glared at Angel, who glared at the Squeegee Man again, who glared at CrazyRENThead, who decided to stop glaring because she was sick of this whole chain-reaction-face thingy. (But I'm not _–LOL-_)

"Hi everybody!" said the doctor in a weird accent as he entered the room and waved at everyone.

"Hi Dr. Nick!" said everybody to him, even though he never actually introduced himself but his name just happened to be Nick anyway. Cool, huh?

"So, Mimo, I see you are having a baby," said Dr. Nick as he ogled Mimi's breasts.

"Yes I am, since it's so fucking obvious, and my name is _Mimi_," she growled, squeezing Roger's hand so hard it turned purple. Suddenly she screamed again, so loudly that John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia, stuck his head out of his $10 million dollar yacht and said:

"Say, would you mind keeping it down a little, love?"

"Oh, sorry," said Mimi, blushing. Roger then stuffed a pair of pink boxers into her mouth so she couldn't make any more noise.

"Okay, I think Momo is ready to have her baby," said Dr. Nick, who stood in the corner reading a book.

""Well, what the hell are you waiting for? DO SOMETHING FAST! And her name is _Mimi!_" yelled Mark while he and Glinda clutched each other.

Dr. Nick quickly put down his 'Childbirth For Dummies' book and rushed over to Mimi. He shoved his hands between her legs and said, "Ok Momo, now I believe you have to push for me."

Mimi grabbed Roger's hand even tighter and screamed and screamed until a tiny thing covered in green slimeshot out between her legs and flew all the way down the clinic corridor, taking Dr. Nick with it. He landed on his head, swore loudly at the slimy thing, then picked it up and carried it to Mimi.

"Congratulations Miko, it's a girl!" said Dr. Nick (who still couldn't get her name right), who washed the slimy baby in soap water before wrapping it in a cloth and giving it to Mimi, who was having sex with Roger in the hospital bed while Camera filmed the whole birth with her lens.

"Ohh she's so beautiful!" gushed Mimi and she took the screaming bundle from Dr. Nick and hugged it. "I'm gonna name her Evita."

Roger, who started humping Mark in the corner, said, "Oh that's a nice name, honey. She's uh, she looks nice," without paying any real attention. Neither were Maureen, Joanne, Collins, CaptainJack,Jack the monkey, Captain Barbossaor Angel for that matter. They were all too fascinated with the gumball machine to know what was happening.

Suddenly the clinic door flew open (even though it was already open) and in stormed Benny, ina purple leotard and leg warmers this time , who looked angrier than ever. The whole gang froze and stared at him in terror, including Camera, whose lens suddenly cracked.

Benny cackled. "Do you guys know why I'm here?" he asked menacingly.

The whole gang shook their heads, then braced themselves for the answer….


	9. One Crazy Assed Finale

Hey guys, sorry for the delay. Been busy.

Hey guess what? Darren Hayes, my most favourite singer ever (ex-singer from Savage Garden) got married to his boyfriend of 2 years, Richard, in London last month and I am so ECSTATIC for him! For more info, go to www . darrenhayes . com . (Without the spaces) **Congratulations guys!** _–swoons-_ And now, onto the story.

* * *

The whole room froze again, their mouths wide open, except for Camera whose lens fell off her face for the third time that day, and they all braced themselves for the answer again.

Suddenly, Benny's glare slowly turned into a wide grin and he giggled quietly at all the horrified Bohemians, including Captain Jack, Captain Barbossa, Jack the Monkey, Camera and Glinda the sock puppet. Then he stepped out of the doorway and in came Will Turner and Elizabeth Turner, their arms loaded with cameras and speakers, followed by Ashton Kutcher in a baggy red shirt and baggy pink pants and 10 kgs of solid gold bling-bling , who yelled, "YA'LL JUST GOT _PUNK'D_, BIATCHES!"

The Bohemians – meaning Mark, Roger, Mimi, Angel, Collins, The Easter Bunny, Maureen and Joanne – looked around the room and sure enough, Captain Jack, Captain Barbossa and Glinda all started giggling madly. The Bohemians then relaxed and soon the whole room was gilled with laughs and giggles. Finally, after three hours of non-stop giggling, Captain Jack said:

"Alright mateys, this calls for a celebration. **Bring on the rum!**"

Collins reached into his jacket and magically pulled 10 bottles of rum this time, and the whole gang, including the _Punk'd_ crew, happily chugged down the vile drink that is known to turn even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels.

* * *

After five hours of non-stop drinking, Ashton finally stood up, with much difficulty since he was drunk out of his head, and said, "Dude, where's my car?"

Mark, who had his scarf tied around him like a boob tube while Glinda wore his sweatshirt, said, "Dunno. Where's your car, dude?"

Ashton belched loudly, giggled like a 12-year-old girl, and asked again, "Dude, where's my car?"

Mark giggled at him, fondled Roger's thigh and Mimi's boobs at the same time, and said, "Dunno. Where's your car, dude?"

Ashton suddenly flared up and yelled, "Shut up dude! It's not funny!" and then feebly attempted to swing his fist across Mark's face, but ended up hitting Dr. Nick in the teeth because he was so drunk. He then crawled out of the hospital ward to go look for his car, which he himself parked right there in the receptionist's office.

"YYAAYY!" exclaimed Mimi happily. "I can finally spend time with my baby Evita now!"

Roger crinkled his forehead at her. "What baby, Mimi? We just got **_Punk'd_**. There is _no_ baby."

"WHAT?" yelled Mimi. "That can't be true. EVITA! WHERE ARE YOU?" she cried as she hugged the little white cloth that was on the hospital bed.

"Umm, Mimi?" said Mark, blushing as red as an apple. "That's my underwear."

Joanne crinkled her forehead. "Why is your underwear lying on the bed, Mark?"

Mark rolled his adorable blue pools of water which practically lived behind his glasses and again blushed redder than the reddest thing in the world after several coats of red paint all over it . "Because Roger and I were just having sex in there. DUUHH!"

"OOhhhh. _That's_ why!" said Maureen, who was still terribly fascinated with the gumball machine in the corridor. She turned around and sighed happily at Joanne.

Who sighed happily at Jack the monkey, who squeaked happily at Roger, who sighed happily at Mark, who sighed happily at Captain Barbossa, who sighed happily at Camera, who sighed happily at Collins– no wait, cameras don't sigh. Anyway, Camera did something that cameras can do happily at Collins, who sighed happily at the Easter Bunny, who sighed happily at Captain Jack, who sighed happily at Angel, who sighed happily at Benny, who was suddenly randomly dressed in a Glinda-the-Good-Witch pink dress. Yup, _everyone_ was happy. Well except for Mimi, who was still clutching Mark's underwear close to her and crying out loud for the baby that never actually existed, even though she was pregnant on some random days. Weird, I know, but hey, it's _my_ fanfiction. That means I can do whatever the fuck I like, so **there**. _–giggles-_

* * *

"AND **CUT!**" yelled Chris Columbus, as the studio lights went off and the camera people ran around with the equipment, not knowing what to actually do expect to just run around with the equipment so that they look like they're actually doing something. The whole gang all relaxed, walked into a giant, private diamond-studded trailer and had hot dirty sex together happily ever after.

And as for Benny, well, turns out he doesn't really mind being randomly screwed around in stories. In fact, he actually _likes_ it. Anything's better than being the bad guy anyway. _–winks-_

**THE END!**


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